Grief

Grief is big, there isn't anything to include in a title about grief but that one word. No extra descriptions needed. Bigger than the Titanic. Larger than the unknowns of the entire universe. Alien in its generation. Once you’ve been handed grief you become something else, completely different than anyone else. Made painfully orphaned from mankind by life. No one out there but you.

Until there is someone else. And this is the containment of grief.

For many it’s a therapist. It could be a coworker, a friend, a spiritual mentor. Someone will contact you in such a way that the grief window drops and you just flow. You flow so much that you don't care if the person you are talking to gets what you are expressing or even care how long you’ve talked. And you kind of scare yourself.

Then the relief just hits you. And you cry.

But this time your crying is different. You're crying and someone is there with you. You’re staring right at them. You are no longer alone in your grief.

And then it also hits you. The grief is still there. In exactly the same way as before. In the exact depth and pain. As always. You become tired and exhausted. It’s just always the same. Never let’s go. Takes over your life. And you are left watching.

It’s true that the grief didn't change. But you changed. And you begin.

How good you feel is up to you. Because getting better means letting go. And be honest. We don't want to let go. And that's why the overwhelming of grief stays so long. Like a neighbor that became a friend and never left you. Like your only friend. And you’d rather be alone with your big bear friend, grief, than anyone else. Because there you can touch all the places in your heart and never let go. It’s your sanctuary of defeat.

Until you realize you have nothing. That you can’t go on thinking like that. That you just need a change.

So you find a change by talking again to a listener.

In my experience it’s not grief that kills people it‘s despair (a different topic). You won’t die from grief, you believe you might. Because you can’t imagine life. But grief is the action of change. Grief is the absence of staying the same. You trudge painfully through until you are the victor. And only other victors will know you or tolerate you. You will know joy, this is your blessing. Others just know happiness. Your depth of loss will be filled. So that when you laugh, its bottomless joy. Life fills what it took. Trust me. I am not saying you will be happy again (I think you will, but the journey is larger than that). I’m saying your boundless hole remains boundless and becomes filled with joy. The actual grief should be packed away. There are healthy steps you should take, therapy steps, to help you do that. Know that grief is yours. Your monument of you, not of who you lost. You are the important one. You are the star. Let yourself shine. Give yourself the blessing of the journey of grief. It’s a rare gift.